I was just getting ready for my first Christmas Eve with my Scouts' Team. My friend talked me into this, although I never was big of a fan of social meetings like this, even in my own house. The whole tradition of wishing everybody Marry Christmas and sharing the wafer, like Jesus shared the bread with his apostles; it just seems phony to me and a bit stressful. Inside my head there is always this question "what the hell should I wish this person? To be happy, healthy, and what? He or she have heard this million times, so why MY wishes should make any difference?".
I wore my Scout's uniform, being proud of it, earning it with my work and devotion to the cause. It seemed quite important to me, this scout thing, even though I was already 12 or 13 years old. At the place of this Christmas Eve dinner we had prepared, there was more than only my team, there were two others from my town. As a custom says, we all started with a song and scouts' "hello", and after that we came to my most hated part- the wishes.
I wished everybody, whom I knew, a Merry Christmas, shared the wafer, and sat down on the blanket, that was on the floor, waiting for everybody to be done with that ridiculous business. I was sitting there, singing inside my head "The fire's burning'" for the second time, thinking I'm invisible. After few seconds, someone proved me I was wrong- I was not invisible at all.
"Hey, how are you? Are you busy?", I heard. I looked up to make sure it was addressed to me, not to someone else. I can honestly say that what I saw took my breath away. Above all his being, I saw only those big beautiful dark brown eyes, which stared at me strongly. "Y--you mean me?", I muttered. "Yes silly, you!", he laughed. And as he was laughing for that brief moment, I looked at him more carefully. He was approximately my age, with blonde short curly hair, which reminded me a little bit of a figure of Cupid, wide charming smile, and, damn him!, this deep look in his brown eyes that could sweep anybody off their feet.
"What do you want?", I finally asked him. "I just saw you sitting here all alone, and noticed I haven't wished you Merry Christmas! So Marry Christmas and have fun tonight!", he smirked,"I hope we'll have a chance to talk for a while". I was stunned! I could not believe that such a handsome guy would ever come up to me and say that. And this goofy grin on his face- I would never forget it. "W--well yeah, Merry Christmas to you, too. Take c--care", I stuttered out. He got up on his feet, still widely smiling at me, and walked away.
"Great! Just great! He must have thought I'm retarded and that's why he walked away... Stupid, stupid, stupid", I was nagging myself for being unable to speak to him like a normal person. I got myself back together and walked up to my friend I came with to this whole event. I just had to ask who this boy was. All I heard was that he was our age, and went to a different school, and had a girlfriend. What a shocker. I sincerely thought there, for a while, that he is available, and that maybe it could be beginning of my big love story...
We had not spoken again that night. And we had not spoken for a long long time since our first meeting. I was seeing him around, passing him on the street, but never spoken to him, hoping each time, that he notices me and speaks to me. Unfortunately, he seemed not to recognize me at all. I was cursed to admire him from the backstage, to see him having a life far away from my own being, just like watching a character in a play and imagining I am on the stage with him. I never could have suspected what that one hell of a day was to bring me in the future...
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